July 14, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia

July 14^th

Mile 2481- Paducah, Kentucky.

We are leaving our last hotel of the trip. Thomas must have really been in the middle of a good dream when he woke up because as soon as his eyes opened he said, "Where is that camel I was riding on and where are my pants?" We couldn't quite decipher exactly what else the dream was about, but it sounded interesting!
We have spent the night in 7 states, 8 different hotels, only two times did we spend two nights in the same place.
We have spent approximately 41.5 total hours in the car.
We have stopped for gas 9 times and burned 155 gallons of gas
We didn't get any speeding tickets, nobody barfed and no major spills in the car.
I am calling the first installment of  "See the Nation by Graduation" a great success! Only 43 to go!

 

I am going to miss seeing this every morning.

                             Thomas enjoying his 318th viewing of Barbie Perfect Christmas

Mile 2835.1 Home again! And, straight to La Parilla like any other red-blooded Mariettan.

A few of the many things I learned on this trip:

The people of middle America are meticulous keepers of their yards. Possibly because they only have to take care of them when they aren’t covered in snow, which is not often.

There are WAY more nice people in the world than mean people. Everyone on this trip has gone out of their way to be nice and helpful. This guy with a horn through his cheek and a neck tattoo was so sweet he was dripping high fructose corn syrup when he was giving me restaurant recommendations in Minneapolis.

The younger brother of two sisters can quickly develop a preference for Barbie Movies, especially Barbie Perfect Christmas.

The best stops are the unplanned ones (read: World’s Largest Truck stop, Illinois Train Museum, Old Wisconsin Historic Village)

My children (and your children) are spoiled. The girls actually cried real tears when we couldn’t live stream NBC on the I-Pad. In the car, while driving down the road in Nowhere, Illinois. So they missed Saige, the Movie. Boo-freaking-hoo! Back in my day we watched whatever was on the only TV in the house (if the antenna could pick up the signal) and if we missed it we were out of luck. And AND WE LIKED IT!

Thomas alternates making potty sounds with his mouth and asking “Where are we going tomorrow” and repeat. ALL DAY.  Raised. By. Wolves.

You can eat mostly fast food for 12 days straight and live to tell about it, we just aren’t sure how long. If I keel over in the produce department of Kroger you’ll know why.

You can drive through Kickapoo, Illinois and say, “Hey kids, we are in Kickapoo”! And they will think you are hilarious.

If you open your Georgia mouth to speak in Middle America, people will ask, Where are you from? Or, How long are you visiting? Even if you only say “Thank You” at the McDonald's and your checkout person is an immigrant with a very thick accent her own self.

This is a sweeping generalization based on my observations. But, if you are from Illinois, you are more likely to have a personalized license plate.  I don’ t know why. I’ll have to ask my friend Meredith.

July 13th, Illinois

July 13

2080- Moline Illinois- John Deere Headquarters-  A Haiku

Oh, John Deere Tractor!

You are so shiny and green

My son is obsessed

I can't be sure, but this could be the largest cross IN THE WORLD!

Mile 2330.2 – Somewhere in Illinois. Silly, Hyper and Whiny Smurf are about 10 seconds from having their precious little heads pinched off.  We now understand why hyenas eat their young.

A Haiku:

Loud and ungrateful

My sanity is waning

How far is Georgia?

July 12th- Iowa

Mile 1880- Des Moines- We actually started out a little slow for the first time in over a week. We are staying in a really cool historic hotel in Downtown Des Moines. Our day started with a trip to the Iowa History Museum and it was much more interesting than it sounds. They even had taxidermy.  My favorite was a rather graphic display of baby foxes dining on a recently departed lamb. There was fake blood and it made Mae cry. That is a taxidermist who knows his craft. One who can convey the circle of life with enough realism that it makes a 5-year-old run away in tears. After that, we headed to the unbelievable Historic State Capitol building.  It is absolutely glorious. If you are ever in Des Moines, which you probably won’t be, you should go see it. Then we made our hungry kids walk 12 blocks back to the car. They loved that part.

 

Mae and the Mastodon 

OMG!

I just carried this statue from Des Moines, now give me some candy.

Des Moines, You are Des Fabulous!

Beautiful twisting stairs in the Iowa Capital Library

Look, Ms. Kenworthy! We went to the library!

Our hungry, tired kids love walking 12 blocks in the blazing Iowa sun.

Can't you tell?

 Mile 1890- Smitty’s in Des Moines- Home of the original tenderloin sandwich! I’d never had a tenderloin sandwich, but they are well known around these parts.  It consists of a piece of pork tenderloin beaten into submission until it is the size of your head, breading it in cracker meal, and deep-frying it. It then dwarfs a regular size bun that has been slathered with mustard, ketchup, onions and pickles. Served with onion rings. I am going to have to go on some sort of cleanse after this trip. I haven’t been able to get my rings off since Wednesday.

http://www.roadfood.com/Restaurant/Overview/273/smittys-tenderloin-shop

Mile 2000- Somewhere between De Moines and Davenport, Iowa. Corn!

Mile 2046-Wolcott, Iowa -World’s Largest Truck Stop!  The road trip fairies felt bad that I didn’t get to see the albino squirrels, so they decided to reward me tenfold. 

Mr. B- “That sign says World’s Largest Truck Stop, do you think we should stop?”

Me-  “Can you actually hear yourself asking me that question? Of course we should stop! It’s the world’s largest!”

Now, the world’s largest truck stop is every bit of awesome that you would imagine. But wait, there’s more! It was packed to gills with trucker people and their people because it just so happened that the 2013 TRUCKER JAMBOREE WAS IN PROGRESS! Yes, you heard me correctly! Iowa’s finest truckers engaging in such activities as the Big Rig Beauty Contest, Balloon Pop with a Dart, and live music. Who was the live music, you might be wondering. It was BLACKBERRY SMOKE!! John and I have seen them a couple of times in Atlanta and they are GOOD! And, they were playing for FREE!! Score! Thank you, Iowa 80 World’s Largest Truck Stop, you are kind of a big deal.

Yesssss!

                                              Sheriff Buford T. Justice in the Hizzouse!

                                         World's Biggest Truckstop cures what ails ya!

 Mile 2060 Scenic Davenport, Iowa. One such scene was out of our lovely hotel room. Until you’ve seen the Iowan sunset over the shiny wares of a GMC car lot, you haven’t lived and I feel sorry for you. We have really run the gamut of hotels this trip.  We left quickly as soon as we took all of our electronics and valuables into the room. This was because the sign in the parking lot said that the Fairfield Inn was NOT going to be responsible for any damage to our car so we didn’t want to be too careful.  We wanted to take in the site of Davenport (not a typo). Raise your hand if you have walked on a skywalk that has lights that change colors!  Me! Me!  And, did you then feed your kids dinner at 10:00 from Taco Johns?  We are so gangsta.

July 11, 2013 Minnesota, Iowa

July 11th

Mile 1606- Mall of America- We set out semi-early for the Mall of America.  This was slated early on as the “girly” portion of our tour of the Midwest.  The highlight of the trip was going to be the acquisition of Mae’s first American Girl Doll for her 6^th birthday. Her birthday is a couple of weeks away, so we celebrated a little early.  The pictures tell the story.  Pure joy! And, there was an amusement park!

Love at first sight! I love the Sales girl's face!

Saige, meet McKenna.

 Where's the line for the horse drawn tilt-a-whirl?

3 out of 4 Bullingtons prefer the log jam

Hola, Mall of America!

We had to say see you soon to our Nana Curtis as she headed back to Eau Claire and we set out for Des Moines by way of Riceville, IA.

Mile 1737- We wanted to check out Riceville because John's sweet step-dad (Mr. Ed) grew up there. We were looking for his childhood home. Riceville is a nice little town off the beaten path.  There is a wide spot in the road with a gas station and a tavern and some businesses set up in old houses. John pulls into the gas station/pizzeria and goes in to investigate. We had some spotty information such as,  It's close to a tavern.  While the children and I sit in the gas station parking lot,  John rounds a corner and disappears from sight. I wait patiently for about 15 minutes. I call his phone and he doesn't answer. I started to worry because I have seen the movies. There are red-headed, demonic children in that thar corn and they will take you down with a scythe. Finally, he answers his phone and says, I'm at the bar, I'll call you right back. Click.  Oh no you didn't. As steam begins to emerge from my ears, he calls back and we get the story straight. He went into the tavern, started talking to the bartender, and lo and behold if she didn't remember "Eddie" and where he lived.  John caught them up on "Eddie" and what he had been up to for the last 50 years and that took awhile.  All is well in Riceville in case you were wondering.

 

Mile   1803- Why corn, what big corn you have?! Better to corn you with! Ah, corn. There is no shortage of beautiful corn footage on this trip!

A haiku:

Corn is everywhere

I cannot escape your stalks

High fructose syrup

Mile 1875- Ames, Iowa

So my book club read this great book a couple of years ago, The Girls from Ames. It really resonated with me.  When I saw that we would be getting pretty close to Ames, Iowa, I scheduled our dinner stop. We graced the folks of Hickory Park Restaurant with our car crazy kids at 9:45. Sorry, Hickory Park. Your BBQ with a side of psychotic toddler was tasty and good.