Day 8 and 9 and 10-Tonopah, Nevada to Las Vegas, Nevada to home

Gather round, mamas. For, I've unlocked the secret to rousing your teens on day 8 of an exhausting roadtrip. It's simple, really. Drive 200 miles out of the way and make your tender bebes sleep in a World Famous Clown Motel. By the time morning has broken, they will be texting you from "Clown Motel Room Lite" that they are ready to get the heck out of dodge. They will even meet you at the car with bags packed! Or, maybe that's just our little clowns.  Hard to tell if they were really that traumatized from the clown motel or if they just wanted to get on to Vegas to see what all the fuss was about. 

Now, your humble correspondent was not super psyched about taking the family to sin city. Truth be told, it's not my favorite place on earth. But, the level of debauchery that they are able to concentrate within a few square miles is world renowned! We checked into The Cosmopolitan and were quickly forgiven for our parental Clown Motel misgivings. We hit the strip and within minutes we viewed a rather large older man poured into an aged Elvis costume, puttering down the sidewalk on his Little Rascal pulling from the neck of of a bottle in a paper bag, it was only 10:30am, so I am going to assume that it was orange juice....

Bless.

We visited all of the different hotel lobbies, rode the roller coaster at New York, New York, watched the gondolas at the Venetian, saw the fountains and flowers at The Bellagio. And of course, the children thought that it was the best place ever just to spite me! It was just us and the brides, and bachelorettes, the grannies from De Moines, show girls scantily clad and tail feathered, costumed characters, regular folks, rich folks, poor folks. All shapes and sizes, both half-nekkid and turtlenecked, all sipping from their 3-foot long Fat Tuesday slushie cups. You know I love a cross-section of humanity, and Vegas fits the bill! The biggest complaint was the cigarette smoke and other newly-legal cigarette smoke. It's almost like people are trying to get extra high because they can. It was stinky! And, mixing with the essence of wacky weed was the aroma of two teenage girls that have figured out that you can go into any high end store (Louis Vuitton, Versace, Gucci) and get perfume samples. Which they did... all day.  Electric Youth! 

Flowers at The Bellagio, seriously stunning. 

Big Trucks, Daiquiris, and Beer Park. Just like Paris! 

I love their love. Sweet sisters. 

We wanted to take the kids to a show, but we were very last minute getting tickets. And that point,  the selection was somewhat limited. I couldn't get anyone onboard to see "An Evening with Whitney". This particular show features live dancers and Whitney Houston AS A HOLOGRAM!! What in the Elon Musk kind of witch craft is that? Or would it be Whit-craft? Anyway, we settled on a variety show that was performed on a "water stage". There were tail feathers, and showgirls,  juggling and jiggling, Aerialists, and contortionists, magic, and jokes.  It was very entertaining! Although, I couldn't help but wonder, how does one discover that they are an expert hat boomerang juggler? Or that they can hang from their teeth from a rope 50 feet in the air? Can you even learn that at Devry? The best comment of the night came from Thomas when he leaned over and whispered to me while two stretchy people were entangled and spinning suspended in the air..."Mama, I can't even tell what's what". Me either, Buddy. Me either. 

As the show adjourned, Master Thomas spied some YouTube dude that has a jillion followers (possibly an exaggeration by T). Thomas and this other kid his age approached this fellow, Chad Wild Clay,  after the show. He was very kind and selfied with them. This YouTube dude appealed to a very specific demographic (12-year-old boy), because no one else in the room seem to know who the heck he was. 

This guy!

We finished off the night in Paris! (only in Vegas can you eat in Paris...Unless you are actually in Paris..) We got Finicky McPickypants to try steak tartar! And she didn't gag or cause a scene! #winning

This is us.

We headed back to the room via the casino because there literally is not another route. I approached the bar to get a glass of wine and Mae was with me because she wanted a Shirley Temple. The barmaid proceeded to lecture me on how she could not hand Mae anything from the bar, not even a water.

"Now you're the morality police, Vegas?" I was all (in my passive aggressive head) saying, "So, it's legal to hand me a prostitute, or a joint, but I can't purchase a water or non-alcoholic drink for my kid? That's mixed up, Vegas." Or, maybe I should just keep my kid away from the bar. Also true. 

Day 9- We slept in a bit and I would've loved to linger on our nice balcony to enjoy my coffee, but we were weed adjacent and our neighbor wasn't just a midnight toker, but also a 9am toker. And, it was time to visit a destination that is just as, if not more so exciting than Vegas,....wait for it.....THE HOOVER DAM!!!! 

You can keep your tassle pasties, Las Vegas. I think I'm ready to behold another marvel of human ingenuity! A big ol' dam! Who has two thumbs and can't wait to learn about hydropower?!?! Oh, just me? And, Mr. Bullington, of course! The kids were elated (asleep) when we arrived at this modern marvel and chuckled (mumbled) to themselves about what an opportunity (big fat drag)  had been gifted (forced) upon them. They skipped (trundled) up the steps to the first (of three) viewpoint/s. Unfortunately, (Fortunately, if you are teen) the exhibit hall was closed, so we didn't get to pour over interesting details of dam building for hours. But, we did get to stand with one foot in Nevada and one in Arizona! Who needs bright lights and show girls?!?!

Can this really be happening?!?!

This is when I started serenading them with one of Sugar's finest tunes, Hoover Dam. If you aren't up to date on your 90's tunes, here you go...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p39oPw45tbE

Hooray for Hoover! So excited! 

Feet in two states! The world is my oyster!

Our original itinerary dictated that we would drive halfway back to Albuquerque (airport) and spend the night in Flagstaff. But, when we arrived in Flagstaff at 4:30 and were still jocund from our encounter with the water meets concrete phenomenon, we postulated that it was possible that we hunker down, drive all the way to Albekurkey  Albucheurkee Albuquerque and try to catch an earlier flight. You see, fair reader, we were scheduled to fly out on the last flight Monday night which would render us most assuredly dead when we had to rouse ourselves for school and work in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. Also, our oldest teen, having just turned 16, missed her freedom, and her wheels, her friends, and her beau (we suspect). She was the most vocal about getting the hell home and out of this soul killing minivan with her parents and little brother and little sister. We relented. We're tired of each other, too. 

Day 10- After hitting the somesuchmidrangeMarriott at midnight, we awoke fresh (lies)  at 4am to catch our early morning flight. The hoard of zombies managed to pack and cram every souvenir into our luggage and boarded our 7am flight. We touched down in the ATL around lunch, picked up a very happy Nellie-dog from the boarder, and settled back into home. Happy to be home! But, also not happy to be home. There were several times during this trip that I felt these waves of sorrow. I am generally a happy gal, so it was unusual for me. Nine years ago we set out on a journey. My babies were 3, 5, and 7. We'd borrowed the idea from our friends, the Fishers, and I coined it "See the Nation by Graduation". It has been challenging at times to figure out logistics, timing, cost, but we did it. Hawaii is our last frontier and we've already set to planning (and saving, because OYE! Hawaii is hella expensive, and there aren't any cheap clown hotels)for that trip next spring break. But, what then? Does Mileophile go to bed? This has been a labor of love that I hope has inspired other normal families to get out and see this great/quirky/amazing nation. Why go to Disney when you can go to a Grand Canyon, or a Lake Superior, or a Ball of Twine, or a Mall of America? It's not for everyone, but it's for us. And, I've loved-ish every minute of it.  One state left of this nation before graduation....