April 5-6, 2016 (Maryland, Washington, D.C., Home!)

Mile 690
Today we started the day at the ever-popular National Museum of Heath and Medicine. It was about a 30 minute drive into Silver Spring, Maryland (Whoot! Check off Maryland!) We must have just missed the crowd, because we were one of 4 cars in the parking lot.  I guess everyone got there early to view the skeleton with rickets and smoker's lung in a jar. The children were HORRIFIED! It was AWESOME! Besides offering lots of unusual specimens, the museum is currently exhibiting Abraham Lincoln's bone fragments, a lock of his hair, and the bullet that killed him so we HAD to go.

Parking Lot Lottery! Where is everyone??

Turn around, Sugar! Let mama get your picture with the Mega Colon and Small Pox feet!

Human stomach-shaped hairball, aka reason #67 why you shouldn't eat your hair.

   

               

                         weird obsessions are normal, right?

Mile 699
We followed up our morning of medical discoveries with a tour of the Capitol. We didn't have time for an official lunch so the children dined on a delicious meal of power bars and chips on the bottom floor of a parking garage. Making memories! We met our tour guide in Senator Issakson's office, then toured the capitol and sat in the Senate Chambers. There weren't many senators in the chambers, but we got to watch some interns check their phones and change out the water on the podium where no one stood. Spellbinding. The Capitol is currently undergoing renovations so it is covered in scaffolding and drop cloths.  It was a little disappointing that we couldn't see the rotunda in all its glory but the scope of the building is staggering. We kept running into our friends the Elsey's from Marietta! Small world!

Instead of driving straight back in one trip, we decided to hit the road and make it as far as we could. We will have to hit D.C. again because there was so much we didn't get to see!

Mile 809- 

We hit the Richmond Cracker Barrel. It's not officially a road trip until you get some fried okra.

Mae, exasperated, listens to Thomas' alternate rules to checkers.

Mile 1054- We landed ourselves at the Winston-Salem Residence Inn. The closest thing we could get to I-85 at the last minute. It was housed in a former apartment complex so our room had two floors. You would've thought we were at the Ritz! Everyone had their own sleeping space! And, they gave us cookies! Major props to random Winston-Salam Marriott!

Tomorrow we depart our sweet digs for May-retta. Gotta be home for choir practice!


Mile 1384- Home again! 23 hours in the car,  26 states to go!

April 4, 2016 (Washington, DC)

Mile 681
Day Three in our nation's fine capitol. John insists that I mention that this was the day I got "got". When it was time to brush off the pearly whites, I couldn't find the brand new tube of toothpaste that I bought for the trip. I found a mostly used tube among our wealth of family toiletries. When I went to squeeze the toothpaste onto my brush, out came the salsa. Three-day old salsa to be exact. This April fools day joke had been marinating since April 1st,  but I kept using my new toothpaste (much to the chagrin of my onlookers). They laughed and I gagged a little. Fun was had by all!

We started the day at the Air and Space Museum. I am just going to put this out there. I can't even put into words how much air travel has revolutionized our modern world. But,  it's just not my thing. I have lots of interests, but they tend to favor the arts and humanities. I really liked the historic Wright Brother's exhibit, and the allure of flying when it was an experience with real plates and cloth napkins. But when you start talking about "lift" and "pull" and "drag" my eyes glaze over and I slip into a coma. Mr. Bullington is interested in it and I am interested in him so I endured.

                                             
The flight simulators were a big hit and the kids enjoyed the hands-on exhibit where they got to make paper airplanes and test them out in a real wind tunnel.  I enjoyed the part when we located the exit.


On the way to lunch we took a detour through the National Gallery of Art, a little more my speed.

Jackson  Pollock in the house

I could have used a whole day there with just my thoughts and no one talking to me, but that's not really possible in this life chapter and that is okay. Thomas was afforded another opportunity to point out all the genitalia in the nude paintings. Yes, Thomas he is a boy. Yep, she most assuredly is a girl.
Mae's daily face-plant happened when she tripped over some air and splayed herself out in front of the national art gallery.





For lunch we met up with some Marietta friends, the Harts. Justin grew up in DC, so he knows what's up. He suggested a great lunch stop in the sculpture garden where the kids could blow off some steam.  The kids loved it, but "don't touch the art" is a cruel rule when it looks so very climbable.



                                                
                  This must certainly be the biggest model of a typewriter eraser in the world!


The highlights were that the two savage boys only had two run-ins with the officials when they "touched the art". Our discipline methods included me shouting "That's a Federal Offense!" and Justin threatening his son, William that Barack Obama was going to come down and give him a good talking to for tromping all over the freshly blooming tulips.

I half-heartedly joke that I have ADD but today I actually was mid-sentence, shouted "SQUIRREL!" and went running after it. It was an ALBINO SQUIRREL!! (See Mileophile July 8, 2013) I tried to chase it down but didn't get a good pic. Justin Hart gets photo credit for the elusive albino squirrel photo.


Weather was threatening so we said see you soon to our Marietta friends and headed to the Museum of American History.

This is my favorite museum. It is chocked full of artifacts both relevant and kitschy. I loved seeing the life vest from the titanic, FDR's microphone from his fireside chats, the flag that inspired "The Star Spangled Banner, and of course, Abe's hat.
 

Hey, Vince and Larry! Long time, no see!

no pain, no gain

In contrast, The evolution of the mouse trap, the light bulb exhibit  and "misplacing a child" kinda sucked. In museums like these, we tend to let our kids free range within a gallery. But, the American History Museum has lots of rows and mini exhibits within one gallery. Mae looked up and didn't see anyone and took to the open road. I realized that she wasn't with us and Mr. Bullington and I set out on reconnaissance to find her. All the while my phone is blowing up with an Atlanta number that I didn't recognize. I assumed it was someone calling for work reasons or to ask me to volunteer for something. I'm just going to be honest. I don't answer my phone when I am on vacation. Then I get a text. "Hi Sarah, we are standing near the steps with Mae". That child had wandered waaaay away from us and this sweet mama from Alpharetta saw her in distress and intervened. We teach our children to find a mama with kids if you are in trouble and Mae did the right thing. And, maybe I SHOULD answer my phone on vacation.

The clever word play was not lost on me. Evolution of the mouse trap situated next to the evolution of the "mouse". Well played, Museum of American History, well played

Mile 687-We had a very late dinner reservation and a few hours to kill, so after drugging the children with chocolate and Co-Cola, we took to the National Mall to visit the Memorial for the signers of the Declaration of Independence and The Vietnam Memorial. Teachable moments are the best.



Mile 681
Old Ebbitt Grill for dinner. The oldest restaurant in Washington that opened in 1856 and featured animal trophies behind the bar that were killed by Teddy Roosevelt.

Playing with our newest family member "Blossom" I was just saying Mae needed to get her 789th stuffed animal 

The following is a transcription of Thomas' exhausted, delirious dialogue with no one in particular on the ride home in the style of stream of consciousness.

"Here" is a homophone, here like "I am here" and "I can hear you". Also, Catch up, Like "Dude, you need to catch up!" and "Do you want Ketchup on your fries" I'm gonna tell Miss Sheddy that one. (I'll let Miss Sheddy dispute that homophone, I just didn't have it in me) I really like Hudson's Legos. I am ticklish in all my spots and if I cut off your hair I could tickle your feet with it. I'm gonna wake up right when the morning starts...(toot noise with mouth, holds nose and says "I think it's appropriate" What does appropriate even mean? I don't even know what it means. beeeeep. beep. beeee. babababa. This is how high I can go (screetches) I can go all the way to the tooop (in falsetto). But, I can also go low (growls). My favorite cake is cookie cake.

We arrive at our destination, the Uber driver gladly deposits us and goes home to contemplate a career change. And I go to pour myself a glass of wine. Whew. 21,219 steps, 10.36 miles on foot.

April 3, 2016 (Washington, DC)

Mile  671 -We are church folks. We get churchy on Sunday and we get churchy on Wednesday. We don't always get churchy on vacation, but we figured a good time to visit the National Cathedral would be on a Sunday during their normal worship service.

                                    
It was a lovely service in the Episcopalian tradition. The choir was small but fierce. And, the breath-taking cathedral was full of people from all walks of life and religious traditions. It was really nice. Our hook, line, and sinker for Thomas was that one of the gargoyles on the cathedral is Darth Vader.

May the Faith be with you

Mile 676-We scarfed down some granola bars en route to my second religious experience of the day. The Ford Theatre. Our midday itinerary will be steeped in all things Lincoln. Just the way I like it! We toured the museum and saw all the things. The Deringer, the blood stained pillow, and of course, the balcony.


Then we went to the house across the street where he was taken to  meet his maker. I realize that not everyone might find his life and death as interesting as I do, so let me give the people what they want....I present to you:

The World's Largest stack of books written about Lincoln! Alright, there is probably only one dog in this fight. And, there aren't actual books but tin book likenesses. And the books repeat. I spotted my personal favorite, Manhunt-The 12-day Chase for Lincoln's Killer, at least 5 times. But, that joker is 3 stories tall. Tallest book-like heap that I've ever seen!

Mile 678- The Museum of Natural History was next on the list! The children had periods of civility which I always try to capture for posterity.



I enjoyed the animals (stuffed and posed!) My favorite was a real life depiction of a lion taking down a water buffalo. Live action-taxidermy! Mae took one look and said, "yep, that's the food chain for ya."

We meandered down to the human evolution section. Thomas got real interested in Joe Neanderthal and friends. Most of the bronze statues were kept au natural and Thomas took it upon himself to examine all of their undercarriages to announce if we were dealing with boy or girl cave dwellers. Everyone should have a Thomas to keep them humble about their parenting skills. John reassured me that it was normal and there was a  reason the kids of our generation liked "reading" the National Geographic.... Nekkid Neanderthal!

                 
                             Besties and their attempt at duck face

We capped off the day with a last minute schedule change. We were going to take in a free concert at the Kennedy Center, but instead decided on an un-free I-Max movie about the National Parks. It was a timing thing, The Kennedy Center was obviously the clear choice! But, no time like the present to whet our appetites for this summer's travels! Charlotte has now claimed Teddy Roosevelt as her presidential darling. National Parks, people. AKA The thing that the federal government got really right.

We hoofed it over to the White House to see it at night and to fit in our daily face-plant by Mae. This time she fell face first into a presidential flowerbed and a nice secret service officer helped brush her off her face and dignity. I requested a presidential band aid and/or a personal visit from the First Lady, but all he had was a peppermint stowed away in his bullet-proof vest. I guess Michelle was busy but Yay! Hard Candy!

Late night dinner/drinks at Capitol City Brewery and then one more stop......

Lincoln went to church here and his hitching post is still out front! Nighty-Night!

April 2, 2016 (Virginia, District of Columbia)

Mile 635.5- Mt. Vernon- home to our first president, George Washington. The weather was dreary and we had to stand in a rainy line with multitudes of middle schoolers. Heavenly rewards await you, middle school chaperones. Jesus told me.
Whist standing in line, we learned that another name for an outdoor potty is a Necessary.... Well,  I reckon it is.

Thomas sharply dressed in period dress-up clothing. I just wish I could hear future teenage Thomas thanking me for this. 

We like porch-sittin' and we cannot lie!

Now, nary a one of you gives a rip that my kids toured another historic home. You just want to know about the teeth. And, if you didn't know you wanted to know about the teeth. Trust me. You want to know about the teeth.

These are his actual dentures. I had to take a picture of the denture postcard that I bought because taking a picture of the actual dentures might land you in Guantanamo. Yes, I paid real paper money for a denture postcard.

Poor Georgie had to endure decades of orthodontic impairments. By the time he was elected president, he had but one of his own teeth/tooth left in his head! Then that one went rogue and it had to be pulled too. Leaving him no choice but to falsify some things. First of all, don't believe the rumor mill, they aren't made of wood.  Some dentist in New York fashioned those suckers out of other people's teeth,  horse teeth, and elephant teeth! 

Whatchu talking 'bout, Willis? 

In retrospect, it is a little sad that such a brilliant man couldn't smile for pictures! "No, it's no biggie. I just created a nation, i'll just stand over here with my cup of apple sauce and purse my lips for the camera".  I cannot imagine a current head of state stepping out of Air Force One with Jethro mouth. Three cheers for progress!

Mt. Vernon was worth a trip if you are in the D.C. area. You can learn about Washington's leadership during the birth of our nation,  and you can see THE TEETH!

Mile 656- Washington, DC! We logged over 13 miles on foot today and my dogs are barking! By the time we made it into the city the weather had improved and we took to the national Mall with the rest of humanity. But, the humanity is what makes Washington so special. You couldn't round up 20 people of the the same ethnicity/race/religion in the bathroom line. But, you don't even notice the differences. The languages are different, the clothes are sometimes different, and our faces might be different. But, we were all trying to corral our young'uns, take pictures of our families,  and absorb magnitude of the monuments and memorials that tell our nation's story. Washington is pretty warm-fuzzy if you can keep the politicians out of it! 

I don't always take selfies, but when I do, they are with my main man!

"Don't Climb On or Pick the Cherry Blossoms" We were only in partial violation and I swear we didn't see the sign until it was too late. 

Sorry Dr. King, but my favorite part of this picture are the smiles.

funny. not funny. 

FDR is Mae's fav, she had been looking forward to his monument and his pooch!

April 1, 2016 (South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia)

This latest installment of Mileophile will take us to our nation's capitol and surrounding areas!

Mile .04- We decided that since we were embarking on the longest continuous car ride in Mileophile history (8 hours with no fun interesting stops) we should check the kids out of school a bit early.  I arrived in John's car and when the children entered the parking lot, I started to explain that while they were at school, my land yacht had broken down and we had to drive John's car all the way to Washington. Man, it was hilarious watching their PTSD kick in from two summer's ago when they were crammed in the back of a rental Maxima. Gasps of disbelief, actual wet tears, and mucho protesting. I let them carry on a while then... April Fools! I love to build their character!

We are pushing forward and only stopping when nature calls and to get gas.
Mile 199- Gaffney, South Carolina-Largest statue of a Keister (they say it's a peach) You be the judge...

Look kids, its a full moon!

I Ass-ume that the people of Gaffney have become desensitized to watching the sun set on the fuzzy cheeks of the local heinie statue. But, I declare, my feminine sensibility can't un-see that.  (fans self, feigns the vapors). 

Again, not many stops on this first leg so not much to write about.
Our favorite satelite radio station of this trip has been Prime Country because we can kind of agree on it.  I remember a few of the songs because they played on my radio after the New Kids on the Block era but prior to The Cure/Morrissey sad-goth period. John remembers riding in his daddy's truck listening to Ronnie Milsap and Terri Gibbs (who?? ) Such poetry spewed forth from the air waves such as, "I'm messed up in Mexico living on re-fried dreams" and "You're my Jamaica, You're paradise to me" Charlie Pride's combination of steel drums and steel guitar was musically perplexing, but hey, it was the '80s. 

And car quote of the day is awarded to Thomas. "Excuse me....., I had gas. The real kind, not the April Fools kind"

Mile 548- We pulled into the Springhill Suites at 11:45, joining  a horde of travel baseball players. One day, dear reader, some I-team investigative reporter will uncover a scandal  revealing the under-the-table involvement of  mid-range, mediocre hotel chains and the surge in popularity of youth travel sports. Your families are making it rain at Marriott headquarters. Although, after seeing 20 something pre-teen boys get real comfortable at the free breakfast, they may not be breaking even....