2019 Spring Break- Key West and Everglades National Park

We ventured back into Key West today because I realized quite late in the game that I had not subjected my children to the following See the Nation by Graduation criteria:

A.)  A historical home tour of some sort

B.)  A museum/location of Presidential History

C.)    A dude so pickled that he fell asleep in the middle of the sidewalk in front of the liquor store

Okay, “C” isn’t a necessity, but more of an added bonus/cautionary tale.

Mr. Bullington was at the helm of our Minivan Chariot as it shuttled us south down the 7-mile bridge to Key West. We secured our golden parking spot (parking is at a premium in Key West, y’all). You’d think that the parking situation would smell less like urine and have one or three functioning lightbulbs, but you’d be wrong. We strolled down the sweet little streets lined with lovingly preserved historic homes, beautiful trees,  flowers, and wrinkly people on Lil’ Rascals. 

Our first destination was Ernest Hemingway’s Key West home. We learned all sorts of sordid details about Mr. Hemingway from our Docent KJ. She delivered the story of his life with much detail and little inflection. “…then Ernest ended his life with a shotgun to the head, please join me across the hall in the study”.  We saw the resident 6-toed cats and exited through the gift shop. 

I implore you to count my toes. There are six. That makes me better than cats of the five-toed variety.

In Marietta, our docents wear hoop skirts (Root House) or Christmas Sweaters (Pilgrimage)
 In Key West, Pink Floyd t-shirts, flip-flops, and 6-toed cat tats are haute couture.
This has been brought to you by Sarah's Regional Docent Comparative Analysis 'R Us, LLC

This is my new friend, Abe tat guy.
We chatted each other up for a few minutes with some Abe trivia.
I totally stumped him.

He is my kinda guy on so many levels. Really just one level.
And, can some favorite friend buy me this shirt? With sleeves, as I have no Abe tat for display.
Yet. 

Next stop! Harry Truman’s Little White House! We walked several blocks in the heat and by the time we reached the Little White house it was almost closing time. We checked out a few exhibits but missed the home tour, my kids were crestfallen as I’m sure you can imagine. After a long walk back to the car we set our sights north and then hit the pool.

When Harry wasn't busy forming Nato, de-segregating the military,  or drafting The Marshall Plan (You are welcome, Western Europe)
He liked to wear this party shirt.
Be like Truman, wear a party shirt.

After this pic was taken, Wes tweaked his neck and became Sad Wes who had to rotate his whole body to look at you.

#Kiwi or #Lime or some such.

I just want to note that friend Angie can cook ANYTHING. I mean like, leave the head on, rip out the inner-parts and give it to Angie and she will return to you a glorious gift to your taste buds. 
 I am going to nominate her for the James Beard Award.

Nom. Nom. Nom.

We woke before the sun to move out of the beach house. Headed north on Hwy 1 listening to The Sun Also Rises as an homage to our new friend/foe Hemingway. A couple of hours later we arrived at Coopertown, Florida. Population 8. We were scheduled for an airboat ride through the Everglades. Our tour guide was very nice and I am sure he was very knowledgeable, but it was hard to decode what he was saying over the roar of the airboat as he spoke in a very thick accent mumbled through his lips that were puffing away on a Pall Mall.

Look kids, It's Big Ben!

It appears that Big Ben is existing on a steady diet of toddlers and Paula's Dean's Banana Pudding

Our boat ride through Everglades National Park was breath-taking and we happened upon some pretty large gators and lots of beautiful birds. The kids got to hold a baby gator (cute) and touch a python (ick!). We didn’t have time to have lunch before our next stop so we ducked into the gift shop and helped ourselves to some Klondike Bars and Alligator Jerky. That covers a few food groups, right? 

Hey look, Mom was on this trip! 

Oh hey, you with the teeth and a case of the grumps.

No need for the show of force against our humble air boat. We get it. We out. 

We were booked on a 2:00 tour through Shark Valley (another part of the Everglades). Thomas was disappointed that the name is quite deceiving as there are no sharks, nor much of a Valley. As usual, our National Park System does not disappoint. We had the prettiest little park ranger who was ever-passionate about her park. “STOP THE TRAM!” She’d exclaim. We’d lurch forward as she thrill-whispered…”I can’t believe it, it’s an adolescent Roseate Spoonbill in it’s natural habitat.” She encouraged the group to sit quietly and appreciate the sounds of the marsh. A nice request but sometimes hard to manage with a cart full of toddlers, hard-of-hearing retirees and this German dude who was translating everything she said at full volume for his friend. But, it was an amazing experience and in my next life I will be Park Ranger Kimberly! 

Mama Soft Shell wishing for a little privacy as she digs a hole in which to lay her babies

Why did the Alligator Cross the Road?
Caption This!

These funny little turtles had their little legs out in sync with each other. 

Heron lies the flasher. Look away kids. 

I was blown away by the diversity of the wild life. I became quite adept at spotting gators and saw them all along the road side en route to Sanibel Island. 

We chose The Sanibel Fish House because of their affinity for fine art

We stopped briefly for dinner and then finished the day in a hotel close to the airport. I am giving John a few moments to himself as his neck veins were getting a little “poppy” in the car today amide the backseat melee of 3 loving siblings. We must be approaching Day 10…So, the two little ones swam, I wrote, and Miss XC ran on the treadmill. Mae and Thomas  found a gross float that was already in the pool and adopted the monikers,  DJ and Veronica. Names better suited for the Ft. Myers Airport Residence Inn…  I can hear the crowd at the bar next door hooting and hollering, there is a cow bell,  and I swear someone just fired a celebratory shot in the air…#afloridaman….Marietta is gonna feel nice tomorrow.

"DJ" Living his best life on the Residence Inn Herpes Float

I may need an intervention. He's like, one low-rider and a pair of jorts away from Jacksonville. 

See you in a few months when we DRIVE to NORTH DAKOTA FROM GEORGIA WITH TWO MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS AND A THOMAS!!!! Start your prayer chain! It's going to be a doozy!

The Forced Fun Report by Guest Blogger: Angie Smith

The Forced Fun Report: Fake News by Angie Smith,  Photos and Captions added by Sarah B.

Looks like FUN!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post for a special report.  Coming to you sort of live, somewhere off the coast of Vaca Key in the roiling Atlantic Ocean is your guest blogger Smith.  Guest blogger Smith has demanded equal time to expose the dangers of “Forced Fun.” 

So when we were putting together our itinerary for the Keys extravaganza, we knew the boys were going to be fishing.  A lot.  That was the entire impetus of the trip for Wesley Dan.  He wanted to catch many fish, all the fish in fact.  He realized, as he is a smart boy, that guest blogger Smith prefers fish in the more abstract, like on a plate at a restaurant.  When he broached the subject of taking the wee Bullingtons and Smiths on a fishing trip, he guffawed at Sarah B.’s position that we ALL go.  And by all, I mean all. 

Those of you in the know are aware that when Sarah B. decides we are going to have fun, then, come hell or highwater, we are going to have fun.  After a few chastening text messages and friend guilting your guest blogger actually agreed to get on a boat, nay a dinghy, with burly gentlemen and bait, and chum, and hooks, and Dramamine (put a pin in that).  The Misters took Thomas and Harry, we fun-loving mamas took the young ladies and an incredibly game, Aunt Theresa. 

Captain Alex and his First Mate Steve were tickled pink to see our gaggle of girls traipsing up to the boat bedecked in our brand new fishing shirts, carrying our monogrammed Yetis.  They could tell we were professionals.  After learning that First Mate Steve hailed from Massachusetts and Captain Alex was a third generation fisherman straight out of Marathon, Florida, we got to fishing. 

The girls each hooked a Yellowtail Snapper within minutes of getting their lines wet.  That was probably due to the yummy breakfast of Quaker Oats and fish guts Captain Alex was tossing out behind the boat WITH HIS BARE HANDS.  Sweet Charlotte started looking a little gray and bowed out early.  We were all feeling sorry for her, she was so pitiful.  It’s tough to watch your friend and little sister reel in fish after fish, racking up more and more points in the fishing competition when you can’t hold your head up good.  Lucky we didn’t have anymore landlubbers getting all sea sick and using up the Captain’s Dramamine.  That would not be FUN, forced or otherwise. 

After a quick change of fishing spots, closer to the boys who lured us away from our promising fishing hole with tales of orca and octopi and cuttlefish, things began to take a turn for your guest blogger.  The Yeti had to be put down, slowly.  The FUN beverage was traded in for a water.  And a Dramamine.  And then another Dramamine.  And then…let’s just say, Captain Alex was not the only one feeding the fish. 

Girl's Boat- looks a little rickety from this angle

Boy's boat-hmm, that's a nice boat, boys. 

As Captain Alex said, if you’re sick be sick and get it over with.  So I did, and then I caught a NURSE SHARK!  Alright, so Captain Alex caught it on his giant rod and reel that costs more than all the shoes in my closet combined, but he let me reel it in on account of I fed it.  And then Mae caught one!  We sent them back to their homes real quick, because they're sharks, but it was so cool to see them that close. 

After Ellie and Mae caught the rest of the snapper in the sea, we headed back to the dock where Captain Alex and Steve cleaned up the boat and our fish and we finally got back to sweet, precious, safe, land. 

Mile-O-Philers, this is a cautionary tale.  We all love Sarah B.  We all want to have Fun.  But, we all know our limits.  No matter how many adorable colloquialisms or promises of good times she throws at you, stand your ground.  Otherwise, you’ll find yourself catching sharks in a boat with Florida Man and Stevie from Mass and praying you don’t barf on your Yeti.  Consider yourselves warned.

First Fish Fun!

Fishing is like being tickled by a thousand little fish!

They sure are sleepy and not at all nauseous. Naps are FUN!

Great Catch, Ellie! She won the prize for most fish! Contests are FUN!!

You mean, both Angie and Mae caught a FREAKING SHARK!!! You can't do that from the sofa! Fun!!

It looks like the boys came out on top....Perhaps if our girls team had a sturdier constitution the outcome would've been different. At least we had FUN!