This bonus edition of Mileophile finds the family Bullington
exploring the southern most parts of this great nation. We are officially
checking Florida off the list. Now, have we been to Florida? Yes, lots of
times. However, we tend to stick close to home and concentrate on the pan
handle which is a lot like South Alabama/South Georgia but with sand in it’s
swimsuit.
No “See the Nation” trip would be complete without a snafu
of some sort. This one was caused by those Sea-dwelling Sirens the Weeki-Wachee
Mermaids in Weeki-Wachee, Florida. This entire trip route was designed to incorporate
the mermaids and their underwater show that has been a road-side staple since
the 50’s. I had done my research and learned that although the Mermaid Habitat was to be under renovation during the winter of 2019, they were to re-open on
April 1st. April Fools. They got behind schedule and had to push the
opening back to April 19th. This will henceforth be known as the construction
delay that ruined my life. The
disappointment was felt most deeply by me and to a lesser degree by Mr.
Bullington (who you would think would be on board for half-dressed ladies
swimming about in snugly fitting mermaid tails.) Mr. Bullington suggested that
we take to the air instead of driving down since we no longer needed to stop to
see the Mermaids. Methinks the years of long car rides with the fam have begun
to wear on Mr. Bullington. I decry the injustice! What will become of the
unemployed mermaids? How will they support themselves? What are entertainers
named Cheyenne (who loves shrimp alfredo) and Stayce (who enjoys playing Candy
Crush) to do during the off season? According to their bios, Mermaid Paisley whiles
away the hours playing with her hedgehog, but that’s not going to pay the bills!
I feel like I should start a Go Fund Me for unemployed mermaids. #keepCharleneoffthepole.
I eventually relented and booked a flight to Miami.
Mile 682: The first minutes in Miami were met with Will
Smith’s 1998 hit Miami blaring through the top-notch minivan speakers and then
on repeat to make sure our kids understood how awesome their parents are! BIENVENIDOS
A MIAMI!
Our first stop in Miami was a speed boat ride. Just like
Sonny and Tubbs used to do back in the day. The boat captain started blasting AC/DC
and doing donuts at top speed and now Master Thomas believes that he knows what
lurks behind the pearly gates. We saw some mansions, let the wind have it’s way
with our hair, and made friends with a sampling of folks from around the globe!
This is truly why I love Miami!
 |
| Mae living her best life |
 |
| The elusive 13-year-old smile |
We lingered in South Beach because we wanted our kids to
know what it feels like to be in the middle of a rap video. There were half nekkid
people and luxury cars as far as the eye could see! We literally saw a Gold
Leaf Lamborghini!
 |
| Sometimes you just need to cast off your shirt in South Beach. But, keep the socks and New Balance. You do you, little man. |
And then there was the daily Bullington snafu: See the diner’s
below?
Wouldn’t it be awful if a child knocked her water glass over the
ledge onto the scantily clad diners below? Gravity’s a bitch. One unnamed
Bullington accidentally knocked her water glass over the ledge and it fell to
the lower level, and grazed the exposed rump of one of our fellow be-thonged restaurant
goers. Fortunately for us, everyone in the restaurant had been drinking Mojitos
for lots of minutes so they were unscathed by our falling glass and didn't require an emotional support Chihuahua. After some delicious Cuban food and a mojito for mommy and daddy, we made our way to Key Biscayne, our stop for the night.
Hello, paradise. I was able to sit for actual minutes at a time and no one asked
me to do anything for them. And then this dude named Cesar would actually BRING ME drinks
and food! Oh, how the tables have turned! Mama likey!
 |
| Mae savoring life |
Everyone was anxious to get to our digs for the week but most
of us (them) hadn’t eaten since breakfast and some of us skipped breakfast
altogether (me, unless a Pina Colada is breakfast. It's like a smoothie's older, much more fun, frat brother) We stopped in Key Largo for
some grub. It was a typical Bullington exchange of Mr. Bullington asking the
cruise director (me) to do a little car research to find a great little local
dive that no one knows about that also has great food and no wait because everyone
is “starving” (their word) and horrifically “impatient” (my word) and a little “jerky”
(also my word.) I chose Snappers because it was on the water. Everyone else
chose it too. And the wait staff was on Island time which gave my people lots
to time to tell me how much they appreciate waiting for things because it teaches
them just be in the moment, enjoy their surroundings and the company of their
family. We finally got our food and it was meh.
 |
| At least they had this chair. It's probably the biggest in Key Largo, if not the WORLD! |
After lunch, we headed to Marathon to join up with our Marietta
friends the Smiths. They had secured a SHWEET beach house for the week and
asked us to join them. Friends like the Smiths who invite you to stay in their
beach house are the best. You should have friends like the Smiths.
The kids claimed their bunks and we met up with our other
house mates. We were the only non-family folks but we were instantly welcomed
into the multi-generational clan. The night ended with me singing Patsy Cline
into a spoon with Angie’s mom’s friend Susan. I’d say that’s a good way to end
a day!
