June 26th, 2015 (Indiana, Michigan)

Mile 765-  Elkhart, Indiana RV/MH Hall of Fame! 

I'll bet you didn't even know of such! Yes, there is an entire complex in Elkhart, Indiana that houses quite a collection of both new and old RVs and Motor Homes. We saw the oldest RV dating back to 1913!  It was SO FUN! The kids got to climb around in them and check out the evolution of the RV toilet, which Thomas found captivating.

You going my way?

A Shasta would make a great souvenir!

Aztec motif and bed with a curtain! Fancy!

 The 1974 Stranger Danger Van
I was looking for my pet puppy, can you help me find him? I'll give you a piece of razor blade candy...

Mile 791 Notre Dame- We had to go back to see the Touchdown Jesus because it was too dark last night when we were in South Bend.

Touchdown Humanity!

 Mile 1015- Elberta, Michigan 

We spent a lot of time in the car today. We finally made it to our destination in Elberta. We had booked a fishing charter in the deep water of Lake Michigan (about 15 miles out). It was a nice balance of extreme excitement and mind-numbing boredom. We caught some pretty big Steelhead Trout and got to watch a beautiful sunset. Thomas got friendly with the crew, because that is how he do. The captain later told me that Thomas was talking about getting into trouble (he had just gotten out of timeout when this conversation occurred.) Thomas told him that, "One time I got a spanking because I knew 3 bad words, real good". 

We didn't get off the boat until 10:45 and had to wait for them to clean the fish. It's now 11:55 and we are looking for an open gas station that will hopefully have some tasty dinner items.

Mile 1025 Mae's birthday starts at midnight, so we pull over into a Mobil gas station parking lot and sing happy birthday. She then spots a Taco Bell down the way and declares that since it is her birthday, we will be eating our midnight meal there.  Should I note that is where we also ate lunch. At least it was dark so I couldn't see what I was eating. Two Taco Bell meals in one day. Can you die from that?

We had to drive about 45 minutes to our hotel from the boat, so at 12:30 we pull into the Fairfield Inn. Now would be a good time to admit something about myself. So I think I am pretty good at a few things travel related. I have a pretty sunny attitude most of the time, I can plan fun itineraries, and I am flexible when hardship arises. What I am really terrible at is luggage efficiency. So we spend one night per hotel and we take in the following. Two rollaways expanded, one large duffle bag, one large Lands End bag, two medium vera bradley bags, one large tote for toiletries,  John's computer bag, and my computer bag. That is a total of 9 bags, plus God only knows how many gosh dern stuffed animals. So needless to say, we are a site rolling in to every hotel like a band of gypsies. Why is this important, you ask? Well it really bit me back tonight. Where was I.....we pull into The Fairfield and drag our exhausted selves and our excess luggage into the lobby.  Also, we've added a large plastic bag of 1/2 eaten tacos.  The counter attendant says, Are you Mrs. Hayes? No, I say. Bullington. He looks at the computer, pecks at the keys and goes white. Mrs. Bullington it says that your reservation was canceled and we are completely sold out.  Mae says sadly, But, it's my birthday (cue mournful violin music). He calls his manager, wrings his hands, curses his luck, and I happen to look down at our confirmation email on Mr. Bullington's phone.......Mr. Bullington, our reservation is at the Courtyard. I burst out in deranged laughter, Charlotte burst into tears and we gather our 19 pieces of luggage and head back out to the parking lot to load the car. Again.

1:30am- We arrive at our actual hotel room, perform the nightly ritual of casting off the Keens like they are on fire, chucking them in the closet and slamming the door shut as to not let out the green stank foot vapor and head to the tub for our evening foot washin'. I am going to have a sacrificial shoe bonfire when we get home! Now, I have to go blow up birthday balloons and wrap presents....Nighty-morning!

Saturday, July 25, 2015 (Indiana)

Mile 625 Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Racing Capitol OF THE WORLD!

In case you didn't believe my hype.

First Nascar Race.
Clearly, I should've read Racing for Dummies before this particular outing. In addition to regular racing fans,  it appeared that a bunch of folks from the County Fair hopped a bus and came to the raceway today, or maybe they bus them in as part of some sort of Carnie respite program. They didn't all wear shirts, but when they did many had lost their sleeves. The Fair people behaved much like they do while they are standing in line for The Scrambler, except drunker. Probably because race policy allows bringing in your own booze and cigs. We didn't know this rule, so paid top dollar for our Miller Lite.  The most seasoned fans are able to smack talk whilst dangling their cigarettes from their lips. Y'all, Kurt Busch can't hear you holler at him, he's in a race car, and it's real loud. Which brings me to my next point. The carnies are real particular about who they cheer for. There are clear alliances toward certain drivers and down right disdain for others. I don't know what Mr. Busch has done, but he was not a crowd favorite and he won, so most everyone had their knickers in a twist.

We did enjoy the museum that had a great collection of antique race cars and my favorite, the silver trophy collection from the early 1900s....my favorite color IS shiny!

Gorgeous! 

Awesome Bill from Dawsonville! His son raced today in the race we watched.

They did have a kid zone and everything was FREE! Which is good, because our lunch was NOT free. I guess they are making up for lost beer sales revenue. We rode the bumper cars and dunked a bikini girl in a dunk tank.

Mile 765- South Bend, Indiana 

Proof again that the spontaneous stops are often better than the planned ones! We wanted to swing by Notre Dame and show the kids, it was dinnertime and we wanted to eat like the fighting Irish! We found a great pub downtown and as luck of the Irish would have it, we got a table right in front of the live music, and we made the kids order shepherd's pie so they don't turn into chicken fingers. 

We ended the night at The Worlds Largest Chocolate Store!!! Just what my kids need, chocolate right before bed. I am sure they'll calm right down!

Not sure I believe the claim, but who am I to judge...

July 24, 2015 (Kentucky, Indiana)

Day 3!

I needed the jaws of life to get all of these sleepy heads out of bed this morning. In their defense, Mae and Mr. Bullington didn't get home from the hospital until after midnight. Her toe was was glued shut and bandaged and she is on the mend! And, Nurse mommy will be changing dressings at regular intervals. It looks like Frankentoe right now so I hope her dreams of being a Birkenstock model aren't dashed.

Mile 359-So this morning we are touring Churchill Downs! Let me tell you how this played out. A few months ago I was at a party with my friend, Amanda Seals.  We were talking about the trip and when I told her we were going to Louisville she squealed and said, I know a guy, let me make a few calls. Two days later, I get a call from a gentleman named Thomas Buckman. He is Amanda's husband's childhood friend's dad (did you follow that?). He is retired from Ford and works at Churchill Downs. And, guess what?  He offered to give us a private tour! Flash forward a few months.....
We met him at Wagner's Pharmacy for breakfast. It has been there since 1922 serving breakfast and lunch to jockeys, trainers, sports writers and whoever else is hungry. There is memorabilia all over the walls, and I do love me some memorabilia.

After a yummy breakfast, we headed over to the barns to check out the horses.

Neigh, I say!

From there, we received the most thorough tour of Churchill Downs ever. We saw it all! I did my kiddos a favor and did not take the tour bedecked in a fabulous hat. But, one was procured as my souvenir from Louisville. Stay tuned until Easter.

Mr. Buckman is a Churchill Downs Encyclopedia. (That's like the Google if you're a younger friend)

Glass sculpture of Churchill Downs created by glass artist Craig Colquoun. Comprised of 4000 individually made pieces. It is 30ft long and 10ft wide. I've never seen anything like it. Picture doesn't do it justice.  It's also hard to see in the picture the beads of sweat dripping off the brows of Mr. and Mrs. Bullington as Thomakazi is less than 3 feet from priceless glass display.

In the Paddock

Thousanaires being posers

Between the Twin Spires

Mile 463.4- After 3 hours of indoctrination in all things equine, we headed to Schimpff's Confectionary. The nation's oldest candy factory operated continuously by the same family! Here is a little back story...Thomas makes friends on vacation. For the last two spring breaks he has "made friends" with this sweet family from Louisville. I got to know the mama, my now-friend Kelli. This past spring break, we got to talking about Louisville and she recommended this place. She obviously "gets" me.

The Schimpffs

Mr. Schimpff making lemon drops on 100+ year old cast iron turny candy gizmo. We got to taste them while they were still warm!

AND, MEMORABILIA! My Fav!

Mile 465- Louisville Slugger Bat Factory-Home of the Largest Bat IN THE WORLD! En route to the bat, the kids viewed a huge Man statue sans clothing with all his parts out there for e'rebody to see. The bat was kind of a let down after that. We toured the factory and got a wee-bat to take home! WEEE! Headed to Columbus.

So dern tall! Couldn't even fit it all in the picture!

Mile 521- The girls make Mr. Bullington eat a rotten egg jelly bean (that's a real thing) and I almost wet my pants.

Mile 537- When I was chatting up Mr. Schimpff at the confectionary, he told me all about this other place in Columbus, Indiana. It is called Zaharakos and has been serving up homemade ice cream and other soda fountain delicacies since 1900! There is a museum attached with quite a collection of old soda fountains and a 110 year old Welte Orchestrion, which is kind of hard to explain. It's like an organ, but it also involves other instruments like banjos and drums. I couldn't figure exactly how they worked, bellows? witchcraft? ball bearings? PFM chip?

I heard that this soda fountain was originally at the St. Louis World's Fair in 1904, but I couldn't find anyone to verify. 

How does that float your boat?

Mile 571- hour three of navigating the back roads of Indiana on our way to Indianapolis.
There was a serious tractor trailer accident on I-65 that shut it down for the day because they had to re-pave part of it!  We got an insider tip from a friendly police officer who described the traffic situation as a "goat bang". I am totally stealing that.  Mr. Bullington LOVES traffic! He is pleased as punch to be stuck in this car with all these punch-drunk ice cream hungover kids!

Mile 620- Indianapolis, I throw myself across your city limits with defeat in my heart, a twitch in my eye, and a snarl on my lips. That was a harrowing 3+ hour tour with 3 frenzied children. I am reflecting on a mid-afternoon snack of ice-cream after lunch at the candy store as being a slight lapse in judgement.

Photographic evidence of Thomas the extrovert. This was minute #2 of us being in the hotel lobby. He started shooting the big boys with his mini-Louisville Slugger bat and they started shooting back with their fingers. He did a combat roll behind a fern.
Ice broken. 

Watching baseball from the room.

Note to self: next year pack a candle. The smell of feet in this hotel room is scorching my nose-hairs. Keens are both a blessing and a curse and I will just have to breathe through my mouth and spit often
during the teenage years. That is all. 

July 23, 2015 (Kentucky)

Whew! Day two is in the books, and it's been a doozy. But, I'll get to that....

Mile 340- Mammoth Cave- Largest cave IN THE WORLD!!! We woke up early in the wigwam and it was pouring rain. But, honey badger don't care 'cause we are taking this operation underground, just like the mole people. We toured two separate sections of the cave and saw stalagmites, stalactites, all of the -ites really. It was was majestic! And, I got to tell my kids this hilarious cave story about my friend Beth....She'll tell it to you too if she's had enough margaritas!

"Mama, take of picture of me with my pickle nose"

Mile 350- Cave City, Kentucky is home to many a run down tourist trap, but Dinosaur World was in pretty good shape, so we had to get a picture. Wish we had time to linger, but Louisville is calling our name...

Mile 392-Lincoln's Birthplace- Clearly, I didn't do enough research this trip because I DID NOT know we would pass right by the exit to Abe Lincoln's birthplace! I still wouldn't know it were it not for those helpful National Park signs that I'm drawn to like a moth to a flame. If you remember from STNBG #1 (I have an acronym!), we made a bit of an Abe Lincoln pilgrimage through Illinois. I think he's swell and it wouldn't be a road trip without an unscheduled detour! I mean, it was only 20 miles out of the way! AND! I remembered that I had an ironic hipster Abe Lincoln shirt in the back of the car! Mr. Bullington was euphoric when I told him about the change in plans! No really, he was a pretty good sport, but he did take pause when I changed shirts on the side of the road in the shadow of the National Park sign. What was I supposed to do? I love a theme!

The Log Cabin is actually inside this memorial which can be confusing if you are looking for a log cabin. I still don't think Ranger Rick had to be so very condescending when I ran up to him all in a swivet desperately inquiring about the mystery cabin. 

Me: I know it's here somewhere?? Where is it? Help me find it!

Ranger Rick: It's housed inside the memorial. We close in 5 minutes.

Me: (real snarky inside my head) Well, I guess I didn't think to look in the fancy-schmancy building on the hill for a log cabin. I'm just a little excited, and sweaty, and dragging 4 less-than-enthused people with me. I'd like for this to be seamless. Mm-Kay? 

Zombie Thomas says, "Love the cabin, but where are the brains?"

Mile 449- The Brown Hotel- Louisville, Kentucky

We're touristy tourists and we are not afraid to admit it. So we made our way to the Brown Hotel (albeit a little underdressed) to sample some of Louisville's finest dishes. I had a hot brown, mint juleps and some derby pie. 

Hot Brown. Nom. Nom. Nom.

And, now is the point of my story where the tides begin to change. I don't want to get ahead of myself. During dinner, this couple came up to us and told us how well-behaved the children were. I KNOW? RIGHT? John and I picked our jaws up off the floor and as soon as the folks walked away we were all, "Ice cream sundaes for everyone!" And, this is where it really gets weird. Another random person comes up and tells us that our children are the best behaved children he has ever seen! The Bullington Children? Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?  Now, they had been abnormally good during this particular meal and had been begging to go to the pool when we got back to the hotel. It was late, but we were so jazzed at our parental back-pat I agreed to take the kids to the pool on return. As we were walking into the pool, Mae's foot got caught under the heavy metal door and it got gory.  She was screaming and there was blood everywhere. Pool date cancelled and back to the room we went. I knew that she needed to go to the hospital but we are not home, we can't send our other two kids packing next door to the neighbors during an emergency. John ended up taking her to Louisville Children's hospital while I stayed at the hotel with Charlotte and Thomas. I thought for sure she was going to need stitches, but she is fine, bandaged, and now resting with us back at the hotel. Whew. I'm tired. Looking forward to an injury free day tomorrow!

July 22, 2015 (Kentucky)


Mile 1 according to schedule!......if you're lucky.

So my goal today was to leave around noon. I had prepped and planned four days ahead. The girls had been packed for 3 days. Myself and Thomas for two days. Mr. Bullington was traveling the first part of the week, so we knew that he would have to pack the day of the trip. Y'all, it was like I was on an episode of Candid Camara. Mr. Bullington at 12:30, Oh! I know i'm not quite packed, but I think I need to mow the grass before we go.....1:30, I still haven't packed much, but I  probably need to take a shower before we go, what with all of the grass and all... And, then there is the "what if..." packing that happens during the last 30 minutes(this is my part). What if we want to have a picnic?  What if it snows?! What if we need paper plates? What if there's Cholera? It goes without saying that we left two hours after our original departure time and we are crammed like sardines what with all of the antibiotics and picnic blankets....

Mile  245.3

The third installment of "See the Nation by Graduation" is off to a splendid start!   We made it to the Cracker Barrel in Nashville. I know, I know, we have a Cracker Barrel right down the road in the 'Retta. But, eating at your backyard Cracker Barrel just doesn't feel right. Scarfing down chicken and dumplings with a side of fried okra washed down with a slug of sweet tea fits like a glove when you are out of your jurisdiction. Also, according to scientifically based I.Q. testing via the lil' table top golf tee game, my intellectual pendulum swings between ig-no-ra-moose and jus' plain dumb. And, John is purdy smart!

Mile 324.7

Who wants to sleep in a Wigwam??? Pick me!!! Pick me!!! We finally reached our destination of the day when we rolled into Wigwam Village #2! 

If you'd like a little history, there once were 7 wigwam villages gracing the by-ways of this fine nation. Sadly, only 3 remain, one in Arizona, one in California, and ONE IN CAVE CITY, KENTUCKY!!!! 

Now, to be completely transparent, we aren't actually sleeping in a wigwam. But, more like a 52ft-high, concrete cone from the 1930's that looks like a tee-pee on the outside and a Motel 6 on the inside. It has been lovingly maintained in it's original depression-era splendor. The wigwams are situated in a semi-circle with a play area in the middle. 

Home Sweet Home!

The patrons of Wigwam village #2 represent many walks of life and e'rebody likes to get real comfy down by the campfire. We met a sweet, multi-generational family from Alabama. The matriarch of the family first stayed in this particular road-side stop back in the '50s when she was a little girl en route to see her grandmama in Ohio. Unfortunately, with the advent of much bigger byways, folks don't pass this way much anymore. But, we enjoyed roasting marshmallows and getting to know about their motorcycle journeys!

"Mama, they've got a fancy table for your make-up"
That doubles as a coffee station! How Charming!

The sun sets and the natives are restless!

Where McDonald's playgrounds go to die.
RIP,  Mc NASA

Thomas did have a date with "time out" tonight when he told us he was bored. I mean, your parents spend tens of dollars so that you can have the experience of a lifetime and you are bored?!?